Florida St. (aka Party Pooper)
Last Saturday was my son's 9th birthday, and I didn't get a chance to enjoy it because Florida St. was busy blowing a 16-point lead to not cover the substantial bet that I made, as I took them to beat the University of Miami by more than 11 points.
Last Saturday was my son's 9th birthday, and I didn't get a chance to enjoy it because Florida St. was busy blowing a 16-point lead to not cover the substantial bet that I made, as I took them to beat the University of Miami by more than 11 points.
It seemed in hand, 11 minutes left in the game, up by 16 points, Miami's offense seemingly inept. But I knew, deep down I knew, though the score said 23-7, FSU had settled for a short fg when they shoulda had 7 and then missed a chip shot fg just before halftime...too many points left on the field. I knew these things because I stalled taking my son extreme trampolining to watch the 1st half. I knew that they were ahead but playing sloppy cause I drained my battery on my phone constantly checking ESPN Gamecast while missing photo opportunities of my kid looking like Spider-Man as he hopped across the multi-plex. Then it happened - Miami scored meaningless points as Florida St., who should have won by 20, wins 23-19. What do i get out of it? A thinner wallet, lousy parenting, as I continued to buy my shorties juice and snacks to subsidize my lack of attention (you know, like most parents do). To top it off, I couldn't even call ahead to make dinner reservations at the local pizzeria cause some dipshit's phone died.
I'm done gambling...until tomorrow.
NY Jets (aka Liver Killer)
Sometimes you just gotta let logic take over. The New England Patriots are a deeply flawed team. Yes, they have Tom Brady, but they have a passing game with no deep threat, a mediocre rushing attack and a sub par defense. The Jets, on the other hand, are playing at home, are playing like gang busters, have a superior defense and have already played the Pats this year, so they know what to expect. After being in the AFC championship game the last 2 years, this is the proverbial next step.
It's a no-brainer. They are favored by a measly 1.5 points, and after eliminating my Florida St. debacle with some deft wagering earlier in the day, it's time to go BIG, so that I do. The game is played at a sluggish pace, which is exactly what I expect, and at the end of the half the Jets are about to strike, but inexplicably, NY Jets QB Mark Sanchez (aka Tony Romo of the AFC) calls a time out, giving Tom Brady enough time to do something before halftime. Let me tell you something - you don't give the NFL version of Doc Holliday time to kill you. He strikes for a TD, takes a 13-9 halftime lead and steals all the momentum. After a ho-hum 2nd half thumping, you guessed it...drinking binge!
It's a no-brainer. They are favored by a measly 1.5 points, and after eliminating my Florida St. debacle with some deft wagering earlier in the day, it's time to go BIG, so that I do. The game is played at a sluggish pace, which is exactly what I expect, and at the end of the half the Jets are about to strike, but inexplicably, NY Jets QB Mark Sanchez (aka Tony Romo of the AFC) calls a time out, giving Tom Brady enough time to do something before halftime. Let me tell you something - you don't give the NFL version of Doc Holliday time to kill you. He strikes for a TD, takes a 13-9 halftime lead and steals all the momentum. After a ho-hum 2nd half thumping, you guessed it...drinking binge!
Bears-3.5 over San Diego
Let me tell you something, Peeps, I don't quit easily. Actually I do - I do quit easily on lots of things, but not gambling. I dusted off my IOUs and the credit card with the extremely high interest rate and got right back in. And (I know I'm not supposed to start a sentence with "and") no better way to do it than with my beloved Bears. This is the 3rd straight time I'm down with the shufflin' crew. The Chargers are turnover prone, they can't stop the run and have shaky special teams. Guess what the Bears do well? Create to's and run the ball well. They have the best special teams in the NFL...Bears by 10!
Bengals +7 vs. Baltimore Ravens
The Bengals are legit, and the Ravens don't beat legit teams by more than 7. It's really that simple. The Ravens offense is way too inconsistent to put a team with a solid defense like the Bengals away. On a side note, kudos to Marvin Lewis, who I thought was going to be fired several times over the years. Now that they have gotten rid of the head cases, that man can coach.
Packers -13.5 over Tampa
Whenever teams start to flirt with going 16-0 in the middle of the season, they start to dominate to fuel the undefeated chatter by the media. Well, we are smack dab in the middle of the season, and the Pack just rolled the Vikes by 40. They will roll Tampa by 20+.
Patriots -14 over Kansas City
The best thing about taking the Patriots when they are a double digit fav is that head coach Bill Belichek never calls off his dogs. If they've eaten your leg to the bone, he just says, "Have the bones too, boys." The Kansas City Chiefs are super awful, and their anemic offense will keep giving the Pats the ball waaayyy too much to keep this game close. Pats by however many Brady wants to win by.
Cowboys -7 over Washington
Did you know that since John Elway retired, I believe Mike Shanahan has one playoff victory? He's about as overrated as a coach can get. He's been deemed some offensive guru, but his teams has been awful. Yes, the Cowboys are unpredictable, but the Redskins are not. Plus, I can't trust a coach who tans that much. The Boys will have more than 20; the Skins won't have more than 10.
Bonus:
Badgers -14 over Illini - No way the Illini can score to keep this close.
Arkansas -13.5 over Miss. St. - I'm in ARK right now, and they assured me they would cover.
OVERALL RECORD: 21-20-1
I demand better of myself, and so should you.
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