Friday, September 27, 2013

My apologies to the Browns, Shout out to Manny and baseball playoff and NFL week 4

"That moment, when you meet someone and court them, invest your time and energy, introduce them to your parents and if you're lucky 6 months later but more than likely years later, you realize, this mutha fucka crazy"!!!! - an old white lady sitting at the slot machine

They don't want to admit it. Can you blame them? After spending 10 hours a day for months researching, evaluating, interviewing and testing. Giving them millions of dollars and the proverbial keys to your car, it's hard to say... 'Hey, We picked the wrong guy'. That's exactly what the Minnesota Vikings and Cleveland Browns did. In drafting Christian Ponder and Brandon Wheedon. They picked the wrong dudes. They know this, but they have invested so much time and energy, they can't admit it. 'Your starting QB threw 3 int's against one of the worse teams in football... at home.... in a must win situation' is no different than 'he/she just showed up at your job, cause you didn't return a phone call cause you were in a meeting' sumtin' just ain't right.

Sure they hope things turn around but in most cases they are pulling for an injury and that's exactly what both teams got. An injury to Brandon Wheedon allowed them to start Brian Hoyer who actually outplayed Wheedon in the pre-season. Now they have an excuse, "We think Wheedon, has a chance to be a fine QB in the NFL, but right now Hoyer gives us the best chance to win" This conversation is held almost yearly, think Russelll Wilson and Matt Flynn who was just signed to a fat contract by the Seattle Seahawks. Think Michael Vick with the Eagles who traded Donovn McNabb to hand the keys over to Kevin Kolb and 2 weeks into the season, they were like "ummmm, hey Kev, what had happened was..." Now the same thing is happening in Minnesota.

Christian Ponder: I have bruised ribs, but I'll be fine
Head Coach Leslie Frazier: Naw man, we don't want you to get worse so we're gonna start Matt Cassell
Ponder: But I'm fine
Frazier: No you ain't

(It's important to note that Leslie Frazier was the most underrated player in the league as the starting cornerback for the 1985/86 most dominant defense ever Chicago bears before he blew out his knee on a needless reverse punt return during Superbowl XX, which systematically started their downfall from dominance, I'll always be a Frazier fan)

My point is, unless Cassell lays an egg. Ponder is out in Minneapolis. Sometimes the best thing that can happen to a franchise is an injury. I like to call it the Wally Pip (he was the player that played 1st base and sat out a game and then never returned cause one Lou Gehrig took over, blah, blah) Sometimes you just gotta be ballsy and go hey, I know we drafted a guy with the 3rd overall pick, but he doesn't fit so let's see what we can get. What I'm saying Cleveland Browns is that I'm sorry, I blasted you last week, for trading your "franchise" running back in Trent Richardson and promoting your 3rd string QB to starter. Saying there is no way you score over 10 points and you flat out won. I've never been to a Cleveland Browns training camp and barely pay attention to you as a team. So I was wrong and admit it. This may not work out for you but Kudos to your huge ones

"Sure you can hope that crazy mo fo, rekindles a flame with their ex on facebook and leaves you but sometimes you just gotta grow a pair and cut them loose" - an old black man at a bus stop

Mariano Rivera the greatest closer of all time went out in the classiest way you can ever go. I envy that, in the sense that someone can work so hard and dedicate themselves to the craft that they love, get everything they could out of it and have everyone that matters to you acknowledge it. That's something we should all strive for... The pursuit of happiness

That being said a fantastic article was written about Rivera being overrated and I couldn't agree more http://espn.go.com/mlb/story/_/id/9718373/mariano-rivera-overrated-well-beloved-respected

The Baseball playoff are just around the corner and who would I be if i didn't have my fearless predictions. My formula, the process of elimination in one sentence or less:

AL
Oakland A's rely too much on the long ball
Detroit Tigers bullpen is too unreliable
Tampa Bay Rays not enough offense
Cleveland Indians are the Cleveland Indians

Which leaves the Boston Red Sox

NL

Pittsburgh Pirates can't see Liriano and Burnett as being World Series aces
Cincinnati Reds Dusty Baker is unlucky in the playoffs
Atlanta Braves don't have enough clutch hitting
Los Angeles Dodgers reminds me too much of the 2011 Phillies

Which leaves the St. louis cardinals

Boston in 7

So the baseball playoffs are about to start, the NHL is about to jump off, NBA training camp starts today, College Football teams are done playing cream puffs and the NFL is well, it's the NFL. I feel like Jim Kelly when he had to choose between all his asian hookers in Enter the Dragon... he took them all.

NFL Picks:
Denver -10.5 over the Eagles - Manning in the regular season is the safest bet in the game boo
Dallas - 2 over San Diego - I like Dallas this year especially on the road
Bengals- 4 over Cleveland - I know I touted the Browns but the Bengals don't have Christian Ponder
Colts- 8 over Jacksonville- The Jags maybe the worse football team ever
Redskins-3 over Oakland- Slowly RGIII is putting it back together

last week 3-4
overall 9-7
Til next week, dueces

You can catch Kevin Bozeman every Sunday night on Foxsportsradio.com and XM 247 at 10:15 pm cst

Listen to Kevin every Sunday morning on 560wind.com form 10am-noon on the Mike North pre-game show

Catch Kevin Bozeman every Wednesday and Thursday morning on the Mancow show www.mancow.com

For stand-up tour dates go to kevinbozeman.com








Friday, September 20, 2013

The NFL is short for Negligent Fraudulent League, Saban the Great and Puig is real value

Definition of Redskin as defined by Webster dictionary

usually offensive

Here's a simple rule of thumb, if you can't call a name to someone's face and have it not be disrespectful, then it's derogatory. It's not rocket science. How the NFL continue to overlook this says to me that if they can get away it then they'll get away with it. They're only socially conscience when backed into a corner. Typical big business as usual. The Washington Redskins is an offensive name and the only reason they are allowed to keep it is because the Native American community does not have enough political influence to tackle the entity, that is the NFL. Yep, there are some American Indian teams that refer to themselves as Redskins. Doesn't matter, this goes back to the N-word debate. Though I will be the 1st to admit that it's a word that shouldn't be used by anyone and yes, I am guilty of using that word. It doesn't mean you have the right to say it. Just because some Native Americans refer to themselves as that doesn't give you the right to call them that. Though I am a small pea in the pod, I will no longer refer to Washington as the Redskins. So, if they lose this week they will be 0-3 and will be affectionately known as the Washington We are Fucked.

If Alabama wins the national title this year, then Nick Saban will have to go down as the best College Coach of all time. Alabama is the favorite to win a 3rd straight championship. To contend for a championship you can can only suffer at the most, 1 loss a year. They have done this despite playing in the toughest conference in the history of college football, all while doing this without that one transcendent player that defines a program, i.e. Peyton Manning, Tim Tebow or Tommie Frazier. This would be Saban's 5th championship with 2 different teams. The fact that he was abysmal as a NFL coach should not be considered at all. I'm sure with all that dancing in high heels for 3 hours a day, Beyonce's feet are jacked, but still we fantasize, still we fantasize....

On June 3rd, The Dodgers were in last place, they called up Yasiel Puig and now they are the 1st team to have clinched a playoff berth. The team is loaded form top to bottom but they clearly need a jolt and that's exactly what Puig gave them. Now there's no way a player with only 39 RBI's will get voted MVP, but there is also no way anyone has been more valuable to a team's success than Puig was to the Dodgers this year, yes that includes Detroit Tigers stud Miguel Cabrera. Puig brought fun and looseness to a bunch of talented veterans who obviously was feeling the pressure to win now. Sometimes intangibles are way more important than pure numbers. Just ask that guy who dated a D-cup with a shitty personality and then dated the A-cup who loves Buffalo Wild Wings

So I went 4-0 last week bringing me to a solid 6-3 start after the 1st 2 weeks. The parity of the NFL is alive and present within the ranks of Vegas line makers with a fair amount of games being 3 points or under this week and now is the time to pounce

Green Bay - 2.5 over Cincy - I think Cincy wins the AFC North and luckily for them the AFC North is bad this year cause the Bengals are about to be 1-2. Aaron Rodgers versus a Super bowl quality team gives me pause. The Bengals are not (yet) SB quality

Giants +1 over Carolina - Close your eyes, shhhh, close them, who do you see more likely to be 0-3, Carolina or the Giants, Cam or Eli, Rivera or Coughlin? Now open your eyes, call your dude and make that money

Seattle - 19.5 over Jacksonville - Blaine Gabbert

Minnesota- 6 over Cleveland, Browns head coach Rob Chudzinski said that he needed players to fit his system of unproductivity (I made that last part up) or did I?!!!

Minnesota u 40.5 The Browns are starting their 3rd string QB and a running back just signed off the street.

Titans/Chargers u 44 points- Slow down, Jake Locker versus Philip Rivers doesn't sound like a shootout to me

Cardinals + 7.5 over the Saints. This is just a sound bet. These 2 teams are very close in talent. 4 point Saints win

Yeah that's 7 picks, time to flex boo, time to flex

You can listen to Kevin
Sunday morning on 560 am Chicago or streamline 560wind.com 10am-noon
XM 247 and Fox Sports Radio every Sunday night 10:15pm cst
For tour dates go to kevinbozeman.com



Thursday, September 12, 2013

NFL playoff predictions equals one sizzling blog

How was your last 7 days? Mine was awesome thanks for asking. I started each and every morning watching Miley Cyrus on the VMA's just to remind myself, not to take life so serious. I gotta admit, when I 1st saw it, I was asleep on my couch and woke up and saw her 'twerking'. I initially thought I was looking outside my window and started to yell "get away from my house you crack heads, but nope it was just my giant 50 inch TV showing Miley and Robin Thicke, reminding us that there are just some things white people shouldn't do. Why I'm sharing this with you? Because when I'm relaxed and laughing (Extremely Hard) I get a sort of clairvoyance, that allows me to see into the future. I've yet to harness these powers so they only work for menial things like: 'head to the grocery store, bacon is on sell', 'it's ok to text and drive no cops are around' and of course my fav 'you wouldn't believe who's making it to the NFL playoffs this year'. Last week, I got you jump started on the NFL season with team predictions based on the Vegas odds. Now it's time to get down to some serious biznacks

AFC
This was a pretty easy call. There are just not that many teams that are legitimate in the AFC this year. Broncos, Patriots, Texans, Colts, Bengals, Ravens, Chiefs. Yep I got 7 teams and 6 makes it to the playoffs that leaves only 1 team out: "Dun, Dun, Dun" (That's the proverbial piano piano playing to build tension)

Division Winners
Broncos, Patriots, Texans, Bengals

Wild Cards
Ravens, Chiefs

Wild-Card Round
Sorry Colts, you won way too many close games last year, this year you lose at least 1 of those that keeps you on the outside looking in. Here's how this shakes down... The Ravens play the Bengals in the 1st round and the Bengals finally wins a playoff game, Cincy is legit with a solid defense, a solid QB and the 2nd best wide receiver in the game in A. J. Green. The Texans beat a game Chiefs team in a close one and then face the Patriots in the 2nd round

Conference Semi's
Broncos overpowers a Bengal team with a hungry Peyton Manning and a 'I can't believe I keep fucking up but they let me play" Von Miller. The Pats will have Rob Gronkowski back, a nice running game and receivers who played a full year with Tom Brady, mix that in with a do you really want to bet against Belichek/Brady losing their 1st round playoff game and add a little Houston has never shown themselves to be mentally tough enough to win a big playoff game on the road and it should mean the Pats advance.*

Conference Finals
Manning versus Brady. Manning needs this way more than Brady. As great as Peyton has been, if you are not from Indy or Denver and don't hate the Patriots, you have to say that Brady has been the better QB over the course of their careers. However it's still really close and another SB appearance for Manning, with a win, could sway things back in Manning's favor and if Brady wins, then we can revive the Brady being the best ever debate. Myself, I gotta go Manning this year and this has nothing to do with him throwin' 7 touchdowns in week one (yes, yes it absolutely does, but still... ) Broncos on a Peyton last minute drive 34-31

*(footnote if the Texans get the 2nd seed they'll be the home team and I think they could beat the Pats)

NFC
Way more difficult to predict. This is like going to the Bellagio buffet in Vegas but you're also counting calories. You know that everything out there is great but you gotta choose, prime rib or Filet Mignon, Mashed Potatoes or Mac & Cheese, Cheese cake or Bread Pudding. My point is tough decisions had to be made. I'm talking Gwen Stacey/Mary Jane Watson, Prince/Michael Jackson, ass/titities.  I even watched Miley and Robin back to back just to make sure I got this right

49ers, Seattle, Falcons, Saints, Giants, Cowboys, Eagles, Red Skins, Bears, Packers, Lions are all playoff caliber, sorry I had to leave out the Rams who could probably make the playoffs in the AFC

Division Winners
49ers, Bears, Falcons, Cowboys

Wild card
Lions, Packers

Yep Seattle is out, even though they may win 10 games, Giants are done, they'll be 0-2 after this week and the division is 2 evenly balanced for them to pull it out, ditto for the Redskins, The Saints will come up just a tad bit short as they will suffer a bad road loss that just keeps them out with a 9-7 record.

Wild-Card round
Falcons at home against the Lions is the kind of game the Falcons can win. Ndamukong Suh, late hits the Falcons into 17 extra points carrying them to a 10 point victory. The Packers will go on the road against the Cowboys and seriously,  how could you pick the Cowboys, how could you?  I want to know how could you?!!! That would require Tony Romo outplaying Aaron Rodgers. No f**king way.

Conference Semi's
The Packers have to once again travel to San Fran. San Fran has their number, 920-own-pack. Ha, you really trust Matty Ice to win a road game in Jan on a frigid field, really? My beloved Bears romp the Falcons as Tony Gonzalez realizes how foolish it was to think that Steven jackson was the difference between them and the Super Bowl.

Conference Finals
Ugh, I generally never pick a team to return to the SB after losing the previous year. however the 49ers are a match-up nightmare for the Bears. I don't want to talk about this. It's my blog and I can do what I want. 49ers win.

Super Bowl
Broncos versus 49ers
Another all-time great Super Bowl will go down here. The speed of the Denver linebackers will keep Colin Kaepernick in check and Peyton Manning will fight off the frigid air to beat up a vulnerable 49ers secondary. San fran loses again in heartbreaking fashion 27-24

Ok now let's focus on the present
A shaky 1st week as i went 2-3, who would have thunk that the Saints would only give up 17 points, the Colts would only score 7 second half points against the Raiders and the Rams turnovers would keep The Cardinals around. Oh well here we go...
Cowboys +3 I love the Cowboys on the road as a dog
Packers over 49.5 The Pack at home with decent weather equals a lot of points scored
Steelers under 41 I don't believe the Steelers/Bengals are capable of scoring more than 4 combined touchdowns and nor should you
Denver over 55 The Manning brothers aren't here to settle for FG's, trust me on this boo!!!

Kevin Bozeman can be heard or seen on the following stations
XM 247 & Fox Sports Radio Sunday nights at 10:15 Central Time
Chicago 560 Am & 560wind.com Sunday mornings from 10am-noon
The Mancow Show Wednesday mornings check your local listings
For Kevin's Comedy tour dates check out his website www.kevinbozeman.com



Thursday, September 5, 2013

Wanna see how your team is gonna do this year, here you go...

BREAKING NEWS....
A recent study shows that fans whose favorite football team loses.... wait for it.... gets fatter. Ummm duh!!! Every time my Bears lose, you better believe I'm grabbing a shot of whiskey and those last 2 slices of room temperature pizza. "Nope!!! Don't heat it up. If I don't enjoy it, then the calories don't count" Hey why not throw in the fact that men beat their women after their team loses, except in Northern Wisconsin, where the women beat their women. "STOP CRYING TED, learn how to take a punch"

I care about the overall health of our country. So I contacted the 1st lady of the U.S. That's right, Michelle Obama and we concocted a little scheme to help you deal with your weight issues. She gave me the ok to predict the season win total of every NFL team against the Vegas odds so you can mentally prepare for the stress that your team is gonna put on your eating habits for the next 4 months.

I've broken it down into 4 categories: Locks, highly probable, feels good but... and this could go either way

I'm doing this for you, not for me, not at all because I have a problem with wagering on sports but because I care about the overall health of our country. Why you ask?!!! cause I'm a goddamn PATRIOT!!!

LOCKS:
Raiders under 5.5 OK this team is gonna be historically bad so what I'm saying Oakland, if you don't be careful you'll be diabetic by the end of the season. May I suggest salads for your football parties with a light balsamic vinaigrette

Lions over 8 They were young and didn't know how to handle success from 2 years ago. they will impress this year trust me. Plus the city is bankrupt they're gonna be fat anyway, they can't sfford to shop at Whole foods

Broncos over 11.5 All Peyton Manning does is win 10 games every year. Throw in the fact that they play the Raiders and the Chargers team a combined 4 times. 13-3 is a virtual lock for them and good health to the fans of Denver

Patriots over 11 hey if you're gonna be Patriotic you gotta take the Patriots it's the American thing to do

Chiefs over 7.5 They also play the Raiders and Chargers 4 times and they have a QB with a chip on his shoulder and a coach with a chip on his shoulder. Chips KC, multi-grain lay off the BBQ

Jets u 6.5 wins They're gonna lose a shit load of games 13-6

49ers u 11.5 wins They are great but man that division is way too tough for 12 wins

Falcons o 9.5 Atlanta finally tasted playoff victory last year, generally when that happens it makes a team hungrier. They'll get 10 wins, trust me on this boo, boo trust me


HIGHLY PROBABLE
Steelers u 9.5 wins I love Pittsburgh they are my perennial SB pick every year but 10 wins with a questionable running attack, average receivers and a mediocre offensive line is just one too many questions I have

Saints o 9 After being suspended for 1 year, for bounty gate. Sean Payton will have the biggest chip  on his shoulder in the NFL and with Drew Brees as his QB, they're gonna be dangerous Po' boys for everyone!!!

Bengals o 8.5 Look the Bengals are here to stay, for awhile at least. Love the defense, Dalton is only going to get better and A.J. Green is a monster

Ravens o 8.5 wins Baltimore is a 1st class organization and winning a Super Bowl automatically gives you an unbeatable swag

Texans o 10.5 They get the Titans and Jaguars twice, 'nuff said

Browns u 6.5 They will be improved but that division they're in has no easy outs

Bears o 8.5 I think Marc Tressman was a great hire as the head coach, he's getting this team to the playoffs

Cardinals o 5.5 The NFC West is the toughest division in football but I like Carson Palmer here and a rejuvenated Larry Fitzgerald. 6 wins should come their way

Redskins o 8.5 I'm not as worried about RGIII as others are, mostly because I think they have more than serviceable back-ups

Seattle u 10.5 when your big free agent signee Percy Harvin may possibly sit out the year, it says 2 things, 1) they knew they had a deficiency at wide receiver and 2) they've yet to fill that void at wide receiver

Jaguars u 5 Jacksonville could very well get to 5 wins but no way they get to 6. I'll say it now Tebow, Tebow, Tebow

Dolphins u 8 I don't believe that Miami are a 9 win team, I don't believe it and you can't make me believe it, nan, nan, nanny poo poo

FEELS GOOD BUT....
Packers u 10.5 It pains me to say it but Green Bay has the best QB in the NFL but I'm not sold on the entire team, especially getting 11 wins in a very solid NFC North

San Diego u 7.5 wins They always lose games they should win but that could have been because Norv Turner is the most below average head coach in the history of sports

Rams o 7.5 wins Jeff Fisher can coach, but they are in the rugged NFC west and I also would have to be completely sold on Sam Bradford.... I'm not

Tampa o 7.5 wins They have a stud RB, a stud WR and perhaps the best defensive player in the NFL but Josh Freeman he's no stud. "You're no daisy Johnny Ringo, you're no daisy" - Tombstone

COULD GO EITHER WAY
Panthers o 7.5 If you believe in Cam take the over, if you don't, go fuck yourself... don't ever disagree with me, even if I'm unsure

Giants o 9 wins The giants are a perennial 9 win team who just occasionally gets hot in the playoffs. I lean toward them bouncing back but it's very slight lean kinda like 85/15 ground chuck

Cowboys o 8.5 wins It's impossible to get 8 and a half wins but if any team could do it it's the Cowboys. They are too talented not to get more than 8 wins but it's like that really hot girl with herpes, she doesn't believe in herself enough to overcome her adversity

Eagles u 7.5 wins I feel really uncomfortable with this pick, if Vick plays like Vick can, they could get 10 wins but if he gets hurt, (I say he does) then they'll slip.

Vikings u 7 If you have a chance to bet the Vikings getting exactly 7 wins take it. The only way they come close to achieving more than that, is if Peterson does what he did last year. I HAVE to bet against that. Some people say why bet at all and i say "hey, I'm Kevin Bozeman nice to meet you"

Colts o 8.5 wins I think the Colts win 9 games this year. I wish I had something funny or interesting to say more about this, but I don't... so there

The Bills are currently off the board but i say when they come back they'll be at 5.5 and i also say they won't win over 5 games. You're welcome.

Titans u 6.5 Jake Locker, Jake Locker, Jake locker... nope doesn't do it for me either

Plan your diet accordingly fans

Oh yeah a lil sumpn' sumpn' for the weekend

Colts - 9.5
Titans + 7
Chiefs - 3.5
Saints o 54
Rams - 4.5

Next week Playoff and Super bowl predictions

P.S. Every Sunday morning for the next 17 weeks you can catch me on 560 am from 10am-noon for a brand new NFL pre-game show and Sunday Night check your local listing for Fox Sports Radio affiliates to hear me at 10:15pm central time