Minnesota -2.5 over Carolina
Look Cam Newton is not very good in close games. As a fantasy QB he's decent with his rushing touchdowns and he can pass for a lot of yards when he's playing from behind, but his winning percentage is atrocious. The Vikings on the other hand has a lot of things going for them. Christian Ponder is hurt. Matt Cassell is better than Christian Ponder. The Vikings just signed Josh Freeman who is better than Christian Ponder. Yeah a playoff team last year, with the best running back in the league has doubly upgraded their QB position, plays at home against a team who can't win close games, only have to win by a field goal. Don't forget Cassell has won, at New England and Kansas City, he's no scrub, he's just got some scrub tendencies. Like the girl that you wanna have sex with, then she wears that unflattering dress and you're like ew. Then the next week she amazingly pulls off a sweater dress and tights and you want to hit again. "Dammit out of my thoughts sexual activity, I got picks to make"
Philadelphia -1.5 over Tampa
Hey, hey, hey, you know the NFL needs is a good QB controversy. None of this Hoyer/Wheedon, Ponder/Cassell non-sense. They need an established starter with some serious Job security issues. That's exactly what they're gonna get, cuz truss me cuz, Nick Foles is about to have a very good game against the Buccaneers, yo!!! Watch yo back Mike Vick!!! The Buccaneers doesn't have a QB in waiting, that's why they gave Josh Freeman so many chances. Now who's there starter Mike Glennon?!!! He sounds like a contestant who sings country music on American Idol, and I hate country music and I hate American Idol. Make no mistake The Eagles defense is awful, but a mistake free, 277 yard, 2 touchdown game will allow the Eagles to coast and make Vick a bit uneasy!!!!
Cincinnati/Buffalo u 41.5
Well, in the league of explosive offenses, this game should keep the scoring barrage at a minimum. The Bills have a back-up QB playing and they like to run. Going against a Bengals team that's not very good at stopping run, which means the Bengals will stack the line of scrimmage, forcing the Bills to pass which they can't do. The Bengals has a home run threat in A.J. green and sure he'll hit one out of the park but that's just 7 points. That leaves them 35 points short of a cover. A.J. Dalton and company gets a lead of 10 or more, they play conservatively. Remember, A.J. is not there to win games, he's there to not lose 'em, trust me on this boo.
Indianapolis -1.5 over San Diego
The Colts beat 2 of the top 5 teams in the league and the Chargers only 2 wins came against the NFC east arguably the most overrated division in the history of sports. Yeah that's right I said it. The NFC east has a total of 2 wins outside of their division , against the lowly Oakland Raiders and the lowly St. Louis Cardinals. The Chargers blew a big lead to Houston which we thought was a good team, beat a mediocre Eagles team due to poor clock management, and beat Dallas who loves to disappoint people. San Diego is that vodka in a skull bottle promoted by Dan Akroyd it looks like its really good, and why wouldn't it be, it's promoted by a ghost buster, but it's no Grey Goose son, it's no Grey Goose. " Arrrggghh stay out Alcohol, I just want a club soda"
Colts/Chargers over 50
Oh they'll be some points scored in this one. A Monday night game to boot where both teams will be looking to shine. The Chargers and Raiders scored 44 points last week. Andrew Luck is at least good for 7 more points and the Chargers will play better offensively since they're at home. By halftime you'll feel reasonably secure about the outcome of this friendly little wager. As a bonus, if you have Danny Woodhead on your fantasy football team go ahead and start him, especially if its a PPR league. Ditto for Reggie Wayne and Philip Rivers.
Now breathe... 5 picks, 5 sure winners and maybe, just maybe a celebratory cocktail and a light porn flick on Cinemax after Monday Night
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